Now I See it
After 6 years, I finally opened the folder I backed up from my dad’s phone.
I kept all his photos and videos at that time on my hard drive. No one is managing the archive from the family; I am the only one who has all the data and files. Before we put the mobile phone in his columbarium. I backed up as much data as I could.
He took a lot of videos, filming himself about his treatment at the hospital, and these were sent to his family in his hometown. I never received them, videos of how he described his experience and how he suffered. But at the same time, he also had these funny selfies and acted like a comedian.
I found out he was making screenshots of my photos. He secretly saved my profile photos a few times. I haven’t checked all of them yet, especially the videos; I’m afraid to hear his voice. Actually, I just opened the folder once.
There was this notebook he left, and he wrote down our heights at different times. He also wrote down the reason and the date when he had a big fight with my sister, and they stopped talking to each other.
They never got along, and I knew that since I was 6 years old. He told me that I was his favourite person, my birth made his life beautiful and that my sister was difficult. This is stuck in my mind until now. I don’t like it because it felt manipulative, and I don’t think I will be someone’s favourite person again.
I had a car crash at age 13 (got hit mildly), and the next day, he said he had a nightmare last night. And he felt the need to ask for more compensation from the driver, even though I was checked and seemed fine. I got no injury at all. I couldn’t walk so well for one day because the car hit my knees.
When I was in Beijing, he said the same thing that he had many weird dreams and said he wanna come to Beijing in his voice messages a few days before he died. Last time I saw him, I was a bit mad at him. I was even madder for a long time when I knew I couldn’t see him again, that he couldn’t wait.
I’m still in the process of sorting out the archives, very slowly. I am not sure if it is ethical, and it takes a lot of emotional energy to see them, but as for now, I think of it as a gift I got from him.
Jan, 2026
I kept all his photos and videos at that time on my hard drive. No one is managing the archive from the family; I am the only one who has all the data and files. Before we put the mobile phone in his columbarium. I backed up as much data as I could.
He took a lot of videos, filming himself about his treatment at the hospital, and these were sent to his family in his hometown. I never received them, videos of how he described his experience and how he suffered. But at the same time, he also had these funny selfies and acted like a comedian.
I found out he was making screenshots of my photos. He secretly saved my profile photos a few times. I haven’t checked all of them yet, especially the videos; I’m afraid to hear his voice. Actually, I just opened the folder once.
There was this notebook he left, and he wrote down our heights at different times. He also wrote down the reason and the date when he had a big fight with my sister, and they stopped talking to each other.
They never got along, and I knew that since I was 6 years old. He told me that I was his favourite person, my birth made his life beautiful and that my sister was difficult. This is stuck in my mind until now. I don’t like it because it felt manipulative, and I don’t think I will be someone’s favourite person again.
I had a car crash at age 13 (got hit mildly), and the next day, he said he had a nightmare last night. And he felt the need to ask for more compensation from the driver, even though I was checked and seemed fine. I got no injury at all. I couldn’t walk so well for one day because the car hit my knees.
When I was in Beijing, he said the same thing that he had many weird dreams and said he wanna come to Beijing in his voice messages a few days before he died. Last time I saw him, I was a bit mad at him. I was even madder for a long time when I knew I couldn’t see him again, that he couldn’t wait.
I’m still in the process of sorting out the archives, very slowly. I am not sure if it is ethical, and it takes a lot of emotional energy to see them, but as for now, I think of it as a gift I got from him.
Jan, 2026